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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25020775">a thousand silhouettes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncomingstorm13/pseuds/oncomingstorm13'>oncomingstorm13</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Doctor Who (2005)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Academy era references, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dreams and Nightmares, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Healing, Post-Episode: s12e10 The Timeless Children, Sharing a Bed, Theta and Koschei, Thoschei, and a tiny bit of angst, because i'm soft for them, soft, they're in love basically but not explicitly until the end</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 07:00:51</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,509</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25020775</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/oncomingstorm13/pseuds/oncomingstorm13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>cute little fluff fic loosely written around the song "Silhouettes" by Of Monsters and Men. <br/>enjoy &lt;3</p>
<p>two-parter! (pt. ii to come soon!)</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Thirteenth Doctor/The Master (Dhawan)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>49</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I HIGHLY recommend listening to Silhouettes by Of Monsters and Men while reading this! (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6BBksAK0f0g)</p>
<p>this will be a two-parter. I wanted to keep the first half short and sweet to really fit the song, and soon I'll be doing the same with the next part. </p>
<p>enjoy! &lt;3</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The Doctor lay there, upon the grassy hill, just thinking. For once, she let herself just think, not talking, not rambling, not simply letting her instincts take the lead to get herself out of some dangerous situation. Just looking at those gorgeous stars, and thinking deeply.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The hill she was pondering on top of was on Earth. Where else? It was her true home, always had been. These people, their hearts, this environment, these colors and smells and sounds, all of it had been her home all along. The hill was more of a mountain, actually, but not as high and mighty as the ones surrounding it. It was just a little mountain with a grassy, flowing plain atop of it surrounded by its elder brother and sister mountains, all watching it protectively as the heavens watched them. The night had a chill, but it was just warm enough to make the chill feel pleasant. Winds swept sweetly but powerfully through the grass blades, caressing her shins and arms and cheeks and neck as she breathed in the beauty of the scene. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Stars glittering above, earth steady below. This was how she wished to live, always.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor was thinking about so much: nothing and everything, then and now and the future, what she knew and what she didn't, who she loved and had loved and might love someday and who she wished she could have back. It had been so long since she had truly been able to rest, and even so, it wasn't much resting. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The truth has hurt her so badly. And it was the fact that she didn't even know all of it that was slowly chipping but effectively away at her soul, the fact that she knew what happened but didn't know what she'd lost. A blessing and it curse, it was, not knowing; she didn't have to know how much she'd lost, but she also had to wonder with deep, undeniable pain in her hearts what treasures had been there to lose. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she was moving forward, ever so slowly. Acceptance, Yaz and Graham and Ryan had once told her this was called, when explaining a random bit of 21st century psychology. (Oh, she missed them. She needed to find them soon. Let them know she was okay.) She was reinforcing realizations: she was more than she ever thought she had been, she was indeed special, even if it came at the cost of resulting historical horrors in Gallifrey's past and her own living hell of an identity crisis. She now knew more about herself and why she was the way that she was, and, she supposed, knowing more about the universe was always good, even if you were quite comfortable with what you already knew about your own personal contributions to it. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Potential</span>
  </em>
  <span>. That was the word that had been appearing and reappearing in her head. She had so much potential, just as well as her past and her future selves. So much potential for discovery and doing more good across the universe. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She really tried to embrace that part. The potential. The potential for </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>It's hard letting go,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm finally at peace, but it feels wrong,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor was learning to be more at peace. Trying. Starry nights on mountaintops did wonders. Just laying in the night and thinking, that helped.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>But she still needed extra help, and he was there to provide.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Master. Once her friend, then her enemy, and now, in this life, something entirely new yet something just as familiar as anything had ever been. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Warm light appeared on the grass surrounding the Doctor, and she looked over at the TARDIS, seeing the door had been opened and its beautiful glow was escaping from within. He stood there for a moment, gazing at her from the doorway, his shadow casting across the grass, and then he was closing the door behind him and walking over to her. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"You've been out here a while," he commented as he sat down next to where she lay.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They gave up after that wretched last time on Gallifrey. They gave up fighting each other. It seems that they realized, after finding each other one more time after that fateful, horrendous day, they were too tired to have anger or resentment for each other anymore. For the Time Lords, those things would never run out, but for each other, they just wanted peace. They both had needed peace in their souls so desperately for so long. Maybe it was the Time Lords who had first taken that away from them. Maybe, on several levels, they were why the Doctor and the Master had become who they were in the first place. Therefore, a cease-fire, a truce, a surrender was called for without words on both sides. Hate the Time Lords and their evil, sure. Hate each other? Never again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Are you doing alright?" The Master asked quietly as he looked at the night scenery around them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor replied after a moment. "As much as I can be." </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Master made a noise of agreement. He turned to scan her face as he asked, "What are you thinking about?" </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"All of it." She continued to stare at the sky.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"All of </span>
  <em>
    <span>it</span>
  </em>
  <span>, or…"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Just everything. Everything leading up until </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>and what could've been and things that don't even relate to it...and just everything."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Ah." He looked at the stars, his neck stretching back to stare straight up. He fell back onto the grass next to her with a small grunt. "Do you want to talk?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Nah, I'm fine. Just needed a while to think, that's all."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Okay."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They sat in silence for a while until the Doctor turned her head to ask, "How are you?"</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Master sighed, and the Doctor watched his eyes as he spoke, admiring them as they reflected the subtle starlight. "Fine, I suppose. Same old. Well, same old newness. The same I've been as of late. Just kind of tired."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She turned her gaze back to the sky. They were both </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> tired. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Master adjusted his body so that he was on his side, facing the Doctor. She remained in her position, arms crossed on her chest, but she glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"Hey," the Master spoke above a whisper. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He hesitated slightly as he reached for her arm with gentle touch. She flinched, still not used to that. Centuries of hostility between them was hard to erase in an instant, but she was slowly trying to remember what it was like for Koschei to touch her again in a way that wasn't angry or life-threatening. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Embarrassed, she tried to compensate by holding onto his hand with hers. She turned toward him as he has toward her, on her side, their hands closest to the sky linked between them. They were face to face, eye to eye, in the soft light of the stars. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor answered, "Yes?" as her eyes darted between both of his. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>"We're going to be okay someday," he said quietly. "Right? Isn't that the kind of thing you always say? I might even be starting to believe it."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small smile spread across the Doctor's lips and eyes. "Yeah. I think we are."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Master chuckled and brought her hand to his lips, planting a brief kiss on the back of it. "Ever the optimist, my Theta."</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She felt blood rush to her hearts and her face at his words and affection, still not used to this kinder side of him. Even when they were children, when they had been so much closer than any of the other children at the academy, he had been much less sensitive and much more guarded with his sentiments. She supposed, along the way in their long lives, he had learned how to connect more lovingly, somewhere, somehow. She almost felt jealous of the ones since her and before her, who might have been able to see such miracles happen. Or maybe, just maybe, the smallest voice told her, his new affection was her own effect on him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>In return, the Doctor brought the Master's hand to her face and set their hands under her head, feeling his warm skin against her cheek, chilled from the night air. Her eyes fluttered closed and she smiled. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She thought she heard a small gasp escape his lips. Maybe it was just the wind. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They lay there for a while, feeling the wind caress their skin and blow through their hair, content: the Doctor content to potentially doze off with the Master's hand as a pillow, the Master content to just observe her in the starlight. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She opened her eyes and met his gaze. She smiled at him, and he returned one back. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come on,” he said. “It’s getting late.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She released his hand from her hold. “I don’t think I’m ready to go to sleep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, well I am,” he stated with heavy eyes and a yawn. He stood up and extended his hand out. “Let’s go, love.” </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Slow I'm getting up,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>My hands and feet are weaker than before.</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor grabbed his hand and let him help her up. They walked back to the warm glow of the TARDIS together, and after setting the TARDIS to drift in space for a while, made their way to the Doctor’s bedroom. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been a ritual for a while, ending a day in one or the other’s bed. It felt safest, being together. And it helped them trust each other more and more as they went on like that. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor walked over to what served as a wardrobe for her clothes not in the TARDIS’ actual wardrobe room-- a large wooden chest. She shrugged off her coat and folded it, placing it in the chest. She kicked off her boots and slid them over so they were leaning against the chest, then turned to her bed, finding the Master already laying there, his waistcoat and tie folded neatly and placed on the bedside table closest to him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Doctor took in the sight of him. It was still so strange to see that bed not looking so big and lonely. Or even looking so </span>
  <em>
    <span>welcoming</span>
  </em>
  <span>. </span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>And you are folded on the bed</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Where I rest my head,</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>She let out a quiet laugh, one that came from pure happiness and relief. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?” the Master asked, his brow furrowing. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Nothing,” she grinned and approached the bed, lifting the covers to get in. “Just...glad to be here, I guess. With you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This made the Master chuckle. “As am I, love,” he spoke, brushing fingers through her hair. “I am...so grateful for this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Keeping eyes locked with his, she reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers once again. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Again, he brought her hand to his lips and kissed it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have I ever said,” he cleared his throat. “How beautiful I think you are?” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She hummed, pleased. “Hmm. Maybe a long time ago.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well, I’ll say it again. You’re beautiful. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Theta</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he smirked. Recently, he had seen the effect the childhood name had on her. And he knew the effect his own had on him. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As are you, my Koschei. Always have been, really.” </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His hearts fluttered. Truly, behind all that hatred he had directed at the Doctor all those years, there had always been the most profound love for her. It had never really stopped, despite all the killing and schemes and anger. He figured, maybe she felt the same, given that he was here with her now. He knew how forgiving and kind she was, after all. One of her greatest weaknesses, in his opinion. But how grateful he was for it. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He pulled her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her, planting a sincere kiss on the top of her head. “I do not deserve you,” he whispered. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shut up,” she said into his chest, her eyes falling closed. “I don’t deserve </span>
  <em>
    <span>you.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His own eyes shutting sleepily, he muttered, “Shut up. I’m gonna say ‘we really don’t deserve each other,’ but I don’t really mean that, I mean </span>
  <em>
    <span>my </span>
  </em>
  <span>thing, and then I’m going to sleep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She groaned. “Master, I love you, but you’re difficult.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Am not.” He paused, unsure if she had said what he thought she said, or if he just slipped into a dream and back. His hearts were beating rapidly and he hoped she couldn’t hear it. “Wait, what did you say?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I said you’re difficult.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“And?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...I love you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Master let out a heavy breath, partly trying to calm his beating hearts, partly out of sudden relief and excitement. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you too.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiled against his chest. “Good, then. Exciting. Go us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The Master yawned. “Hush, love. Go to sleep.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Fine.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Though trying to sleep, neither of them could for several minutes. They had wondered about each other for a while, but now they had finally heard the words out loud. And though tired, they were both ecstatic about this. Eventually, their hearts slowed, as well as their minds, and with the comfort and calm of being wrapped around each other, they drifted off into peaceful sleep. </span>
</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. a thousand silhouettes (ii)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The Doctor has a nightmare. The Master is there to wake her and comfort her.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <em>
    <span>And you are folded on the bed,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>where I rest my head</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Doctor and the Master were sleeping soundly, the Master's arms wrapped around the Doctor's torso, the Doctor sleeping on her back with her head falling slightly toward him, her cheek resting on the pillow. That's how they usually ended up each night; the Master would cling tightly to the Doctor, curling up and unconsciously necessitating their closeness, the Doctor often sprawling out, taking up much space, but her mind still fixed on him, even in sleep. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon, the Master awoke from his sleep with ease, eyes fluttering open to face the darkness of the Doctor's room. His head was on her chest, and through the sleepiness, his heart delighted in her warm presence. He would never admit it, not yet, but he adored nights like this, when he would awake in the middle and feel her, hear her hearts beating in her chest, see her chest and stomach falling and rising with each slow breath. She was so beautiful in all her aliveness, and in sleep was no exception. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Somewhere in the room a subtle light cast a soft blue glow. He has grown to like that color more and more, blue. It was the color of her TARDIS, the damned thing stuck as that ridiculous police box, a color the Doctor herself often wore, and the color of the Earth's sky. He had never really liked the latter before, thought it was tacky in comparison to Gallifrey's glorious golden sky, but to see the Doctor's fondness of Earth and the way she looked at and talked about that sky on the days and nights when they would find a quiet spot to watch that world go by, it was growing on him. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>On nights when the Master didn't need as much sleep as her–it seemed they both slept more on some nights than others–he loved that deep blue glow as it painted the Doctor's face like Pablo Picasso on a rather compulsive day. Her face was already so different in sleep: it was at rest, so her mouth was frowning, her brow wasn't furrowed, and her eyes, closed, didn't hold so much pain that he wished so badly he could take away from her. Her face was softer this way, calmer, more at peace. He supposed that she was, after all, more at peace in her dreams than in her waking, given everything that happened. Maybe dreams were her escape. But her face, in sleep, it also looked less alive. That wouldn't do.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>As he looked at her in the room's blue glow, feeling the gentle, fragile rise and fall of her chest beneath him, he made a solemn vow that he would do his best to make her reality better than her dreams. It was the least he could do, after all he'd done and after all she'd given him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Master carefully moved himself off of her, deciding to give her some space and lay his head on his own pillow. Knowing he wouldn't sleep much more that night, he could go occupy himself somewhere else, grab a cup of tea and find some dusty old book to read in the library until she was rested, but that really didn't interest him much at the moment. He was quite content simply watching her, observing her, adoring her. He loved the way her now messed hair seemed to halo her head, loved everything about her, loved just seeing her there, right in front of him, in bed with him, </span>
  <em>
    <span>alive</span>
  </em>
  <span> and at peace. She has become the object of his affections, and had </span>
  <em>
    <span>always</span>
  </em>
  <span> been the centerpiece of his obsession. Only now, it was a different kind of obsession. Now it felt like something</span>
  <em>
    <span> good</span>
  </em>
  <span>, something he was allowed to be doing. An obsession that resulted in something greater than him and ultimately wonderful for the both of them.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>After a few moments, the Doctor began to stir. She wasn't waking, but she moved, her limbs jerking slightly, her eyes twitching and her brow furrowing. Maybe just transitioning between sleep cycles, he supposed. But then, her breathing developed a quicker pace, and she fidgeted uncomfortably, eyes still closed but twitching rapidly. She let out a groan, or maybe a whine, and she cried out, thrashing against the blankets scattered loosely about her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Master sat up, concerned. "Doctor," he reached out to gently shake her. "Doctor, love, wake up."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She groaned more and jolted away from him, still held tightly in the clutches what seemed to be a vicious nightmare. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Doctor, </span>
  <em>
    <span>Theta</span>
  </em>
  <span>, wake up," he said, more loudly this time, pulling her back toward him so she wouldn't fall off the bed. "</span>
  <em>
    <span>Theta</span>
  </em>
  <span>, you're dreaming. It's okay. Wake up."</span>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There's nothing I can see,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Darkness becomes me.</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor cried out again, a whimper following, and she stilled momentarily, her face contorted with distress. The Master hated seeing her like that. Therefore, he took to drastic measures.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Sitting on his knee beside her, He placed his fingers on each of her temples, and thought of waking. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor jolted up with a shout, almost knocking the Master over. She looked bewildered, disoriented, staring around at the darkness and finally at the Master sitting next to her.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"What? Where am I?" she asked through heavy breaths. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"You were dreaming," the Master said quietly. "Doctor, are you okay?" He placed a comforting hand on her arm.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She jolted her arm away, her brow furrowed and her eyes wild now, with fear, shame, or guilt, the Master couldn't tell. Then her eyes met his, slightly hurt, and her face fell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Oh…" she looked down at his hand, seemingly piecing together reality and cutting ties with her dream state. Her eyes watered, and she began to sob, placing a hand over her mouth. "Oh, Koschei, I'm so sorry."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I'm already there,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm already there,</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wherever there is you,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will be there too</span>
  </em>
</p><p><br/>
<br/>
</p><p>
  <span>The Master, more confused than her now, shook off his previous hurt as it was replaced with deep concern. "Oh, no, no, it's okay! Come here," he was quick to persuade, opening his arms. She fell into them, still sobbing, and he held her tightly and rubbed up and down her back. He felt her body convulse with each heart-wrenching sob against his chest. His hearts broke for her.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's okay, I'm here," he soothed, placing a kiss on her head. After a few minutes, her crying slowed, and she was only sniffling. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gently, the Master pulled away from her, scanning her face. She looked so vulnerable, so small, so unlike her normal self, with her cheeks red and wet from the tears, her hair falling in her eyes. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Hell of a nightmare," he remarked, brushing strands out of her face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It was," she said quietly. She met his gaze. "I'm sorry."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"For what?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>"For pulling away from you like that. I had been pulled so deep into the dream, I guess, that I kind of forgot real life. Forgot how we've </span>
  <em>
    <span>progressed</span>
  </em>
  <span>." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"It's okay."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She let herself smile a little, and took his hand. "Also, sorry for...all this. I hope I didn't wake you." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Nothing to be sorry about, love. You can't help your nightmares. I was already awake, anyway," he squeezed her hand. "What was it about?" </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She hesitated.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Master tried to reassure her. “You don’t have to--”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I think it was about before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before...?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Before they…” she slowly lifted a hand and pointed to her head. “Took the memories…Did what they did.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah.” The Master placed his other hand on top of hers. He stroked the back of it, knowing how upset she got when she was abruptly brought back to thoughts of what the Time Lords had done to her. “Do you think it was real, or just a nightmare?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I…” the Doctor shook her head. “I don’t know. I hope it was, actually.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That bad?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yes.” The Doctor squeezed his hand. He squeezed back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>There's nothing that I'd take back,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But it's hard to say there's nothing I regret.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sometimes he wished he hadn't told her. Very often, actually. He wished he would have just lived with it, went off and used his anger to destroy a civilization or something, not destroy her. To be fair, </span>
  <em>
    <span>he </span>
  </em>
  <span>hadn’t really destroyed her, that would always be the Time Lords, the wretched, dastardly, godforsaken Time Lords, but he was the one who told her. He was the one who interrupted her otherwise content life. She would have found out on her own someday, he supposed, she seemed to always find out everything. But it was him who forced her to face it. And some nights, he hated himself for that. Hated himself for bringing those ghosts into her life, when she already had so many. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he had been so angry at the time. He had hated that she, even unwillingly, created the Time Lords and all they turned out to be, created </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Sometimes he wasn’t sure if he had been angry that she created him because he hated her or hated </span>
  <em>
    <span>himself</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Maybe, looking back at the circumstances now, those two were inseparable from each other. He was all he was because of her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Maybe, now, he should be grateful for that fact. He was better now, and no matter what circumstances you looked at, the fact that the Timeless Child had created him, the fact that she had forgiven him, the fact that he loved her so much more than he had ever loved anything, it was because of her that he was now a little better than he had ever been. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If he hadn’t shown her who she was, perhaps she could have never shown him who he could be. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Cause when I sing, you shout,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I breathe out loud,</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>You bleed, we crawl like animals,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But when it's over, I'm still awake</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you were there,” the Doctor spoke again. “Somehow. Maybe it was just a dream, or a dream mixed with a memory. I don’t know how else you would be there, unless they--” She looked up at him, sudden fear flashing across her face. “Unless they did it to you too?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Master looked at her for a moment, thinking hard about what she was suggesting. In that moment, he decided, even if they had taken everything from him, it still probably wouldn’t have been as much as they had taken from her. He didn’t care, honestly. There had been plenty of times when he </span>
  <em>
    <span>wished </span>
  </em>
  <span>memories could go away. As long as the wasn’t something they had taken away that involved both of them, he didn’t really care. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he knew she wouldn’t feel the same way. She hurt for him, just as he hurt for her. So he disregarded it, going with the safest answer for her. “I don’t think so,” he said, smiling softly. “I think you were the one they cared about. I was just someone you picked up along the way. Probably just a dream.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She nodded slowly. “Right.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What else?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It was some war. Like the Time War, but different somehow. It wasn’t on any Gallifrey I knew. We fought together, side by side. Then, a strange-shaped Dalek came for you…” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She was getting visibly more upset talking about it. The Master tried to lighten the mood. “Strange-shaped how?” he chuckled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know. Less round, more rectangularly shaped.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, well there you go! The Daleks would never give up their spherical whimsy in reality.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She smiled a little. “I suppose.” She paused, then continued. “And then, it was just you dying, then dead in my arms. But it wasn’t you, exactly, not you now. You were you when we first met, at the academy. Just a child.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Ah, that little scrapper?” The Master commented. “He would have loved a good war.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re not listening.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am!” The Master protested. “Truly, I am, Doctor. I just...hate seeing you so upset like this.” He caressed up and down her arm affectionately. “I’m here, love. I haven’t died. Child me wasn’t in any war. </span>
  <em>
    <span>It’s okay</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor nodded, but tears welled up in her eyes and she began to cry again. She reached her arms out to him and he lifted her toward him, sitting her on his lap as her arms tightened around him. He squeezed his own around her, muttering soft soothings in her ear. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Shh</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it’s okay. I’m here. I’m here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you again,” she whispered, and his hearts skipped a beat. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He hugged her tighter and put his hand through her hair, holding her head closer. “I’m not going anywhere. I swear it.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>He felt her let out a deep breath, as if she was letting all the heaviness in her hearts spill out of her. “Good.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Doctor decided she didn’t want to go back to sleep, but she didn’t tell the Master that. She decided to just stay in his arms for the remainder of the night. It would be better than sleeping, anyway. Just as restful, and without the nightmares. She decided that reality might be better than her dreams, soon. As long as he was with her. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>A thousand silhouettes dancing on my chest,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>No matter where I sleep, you are haunting me</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I'm already there,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm already there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wherever there is you,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will be there too,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>But I'm already there,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm already there.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wherever there is you,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will be there too,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>'Cause I'm already there,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm already there,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wherever there is you,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will be there too.</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm already there,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I'm already there,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wherever there is you,</span>
  </em>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>I will be there too.</span>
  </em>
</p>
  </div></div>
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